Of Drunken Wizards and Aeroplanes
by LeonaWriter
Summary: Martin, through an unexpected and rather drunk medium, has his childhood dreams fulfilled. It isn't quite what he expected. Douglas makes sure he isn't stolen, and Arthur gets to sit in the pilot's seat.


Of Drunken Wizards and Aeroplanes

...

If there was one good thing about the entire situation, it was that he was aware. Of course, there were bad things about that as well, but at least he could tell what was going on. And he could talk over the comm system. Although moving was strange. There were hardly any legs, after all, so it wasn't at all like walking and he'd set the ground proximity alarms off several times already, and it'd been a hard thing getting it to _stop._

"Well," said Douglas, stepping inside. "That was _clever_."

If he'd been human, he'd have been going red in the face. This was really a very strange feeling, being hollow, and it wasn't made any better by having someone inside him. Well, the aeroplane he currently was, at any rate.

"That's not funny, Douglas. I want to go back to normal. What if I'm stuck like this?"

"Oh, that's funny. I thought you said once that you'd always wanted to be an aeroplane. Well, now you get your dreams come true."

"Yes. Well... that, that was when I was six, Douglas, _six_! What's actually _possible_ doesn't really get much say when you're six!"

"You're an aeroplane _now_, so why don't you make the most of it?"

The words were spoken in a light hearted, mostly rhetorical way, but Martin didn't say anything for several minutes. Of course, this caused Douglas to become curious and cautious at the same time, and came further up the plane - Martin, really, which was rather obvious when you considered the faded, old look of the seat covers and the pristine way that everything was kept, despite the obvious funds to repair things properly. They had, Martin and Douglas had both independently agreed, done a rather good job on him, even though they had been extremely drunk at the time.

Carolyn was currently in the portacabin, having some very annoyed words with their most recent clients. One did not turn one of her pilots, much less her Captain, into an aeroplane and simply get away with it.

Arthur, of course, felt that everything was, as always, absolutely brilliant, but could Skip go back to normal now? After all, Skip couldn't _fly_ a plane if he _was_ a plane, now could he?

Douglas had gone back to check on Martin while 'negotiations' were being made. Partially to see the extent of the damage, and partially to make sure that the suddenly appearing plane that wasn't obviously attached to any company wasn't stolen out from under their noses.

"...Er, Douglas?"

Douglas sorely hoped that Martin wasn't _fully_ aware of _everything_ that was going on right now, or he would never be able to live down the fact that he'd jumped slightly just then, startled by the voice on the comm when there clearly wasn't anyone else on board, and no one in either of the pilots' seats.

"Douglas, what are you doing."

Douglas rolled his eyes.

"Oh, stop worrying, Martin. I'm simply having a look around. I'm hardly going to start you up and go for a spin, now am I?"

"You- you'd better not! Wh- what if I get turned back mid-flight? If Carolyn makes them reverse whatever they did to me and we both end up falling and- Oh God. What if I change back _now_?"

"Martin, I think Carolyn is smart enough to make sure that everything is properly in order before making them undo... whatever it is that they did."

"Oh. Oh. Oh, um. Right. Of course. Just - are you _sure_?"

"I told her where I was going before I left. I think she can understand the implications."

"Well... still..." The voice on the intercom trailed off, curious and wary at the same time. "Douglas... I thought I told you not to _touch_ anything."

"I'm not. I'm looking. There is a difference, and your flight deck _is_ rather small. You have to admit that much. Do you think certain things carry over at all?" Came the snide remark.

"Hey! It's not my fault I was turned into- well, _this_..." An exhalation of breath could be heard over the comm, and not for the first time Douglas wondered how, exactly, that worked. Martin obviously wasn't breathing, and certainly not in a way that would facilitate a 'sigh'. "It's not too bad, though, is it?"

Ah. "Let's see - all of your bits are in the right places, you might look a bit shabby but you're well kept, and none of your controls are on the blink. Although I did hear something earlier that wasn't coming from GERTI..."

"Oh, that was me. Again, not my fault. Not really. I was still getting used to..."

"Yes, quite. I rather imagined that's what it was. But aside from that, not too bad. You're certainly _airworthy_ if nothing else, and since you've only just been _made_ you're actually in better shape than _GERTI_. Although that's not actually all that hard."

"Really? I mean. Clearly. Yes..."

Douglas sighed, covering his face with one of his hands for a moment.

"I thought you said you wanted to get back to normal."

"I- I do! I really, really do! It's just... I mean... But..."

"But?"

"But it's not every day you get to BE a plane, all right? There! Now you can laugh at me. Or you can go off and tell Carolyn and you can both laugh together because if the comm's not on then I won't be able to hear you, and-"

It was at that moment that Arthur careened into the hangar, pausing for just a moment to stop and stare and mouth _'wow_..._!_' in Martin's general direction. Then he came on board, a sigh and a 'Hello, Arthur' coming from the speakers the only sign - apart from the doors, which had remained open and not locked themselves - that Martin knew exactly what was going on.

"Good news, guys! Mum was able to talk them into turning the Skipper back so that he'll be a pilot again instead of a plane! And she also said something about them giving Skipper something for his trouble, because apparently mum has the same effect on drunk wizards when she's angry as GERTI nearly crashing did with me."

Douglas took a look at the exuberant Arthur, and then another at Martin's flight deck and then the rest of the plane that was currently Martin, and an idea formed in his head.

"Martin?"

"Yes, Douglas?"

Well, he _sounded_ pleased at the idea of returning to normal. And yet, it was worth a shot.

"What do you think of a short flight? It wouldn't be much, to be sure, but those wizards can't go anywhere without us, and I think it's the least they could do..."

"What, really?" Arthur at least was excited by the prospect. "That'd be brilliant! Skipper, what d'you think?"

"I, uh, I could do that?"

"At the moment, Martin, you are an _aeroplane_. I rather assume that in this respect, you can do whatever you want."

"Oh. Well," he started again, sounding a _slight_ bit more confident, "If Carolyn's all right with it..."

"The funny thing is, I don't think she'll have all that many objections. The only thing we had booked for this week were those idiots back there, and they can't go home until we take them home. And it's hardly her fuel you'll be using, is it?"

"No... no, it isn't." They still didn't know quite how he'd been transformed into an aeroplane with a full tank of fuel, especially when Martin himself was never really fully fuelled up himself. Perhaps it was that the parameters of the plane came from Martin's head.

And that was how the crew of MJN air spent several hours flying around America in a talking aeroplane, Carolyn for once not worrying about the cost, and both Arthur and Douglas in the pilot's seats, under strict orders not to touch anything by the plane himself, as the controls moved entirely on their own.

Martin was turned back into his normal human, short, ginger self once they were back, and was very glad of that, but he'd never forget the truly inexplicable thrill of actually _flying_.

...

AN: AKA, de-anoning like a pro. This was done for the cabinpress-fic kink meme on dreamwidth. The OP wanted Martin having been turned into an aeroplane, and Douglas exploring his cockpit. This is what I came up with.


End file.
